Episode 123: “Halloween Edition! Skele-Tom-Selleck Tryna Come Kill You”

November 6, 2016

THIS EPISODE’S CHARACTERS:

A group of tiny scary clowns. The bare Mitch project. Skele-Tom-Selleck. Ouija board. Polterscheiss. The Ghost Thrusters. A spooky carnival soothsayer. Centipede human. A chorus line of dancing skeletons. A fussy mom ghost. Feather Face. Did that suit of armor just move? Probably Captain Hook or something. Sinister Snake. Death on rollerblades. A babe in an ill-conceived sexy Bert costume.

THIS EPISODE’S BATTLE SCENARIOS:

  1. Who would you rather have on your team for the following Halloween party game?
  2. Whose zombie horde would sooner kill the three hosts?
  3. Who would make the sexier ghost?
  4. Who would you rather be possessed by while shopping for pants with your mom in Nordstrom?


Episode 122: “Tournament of Champions V: Weekend and Bernie’s-ing Nicolas KGB”

October 24, 2016

THIS EPISODE’S CHARACTERS:

A Hapless Malaysia Airlines Public Relations Expert. The Biking. Nicolas KGB. The Cokey Monster. The Pubermench. Bear Bones Barry Bonds Bearing Bearer Bonds. The Flaming Guitarist from Mad Max. Twice-ems. Ganapati. Spider-Man Waist-Deep in Chocolate Pudding. Fugitive Monopoly Man. The Humour Tumor. Laura Ingalls Wildling. Bald Ego (Donald Trump as an eagle). The Truth Sandwich.

THIS EPISODE’S BATTLE SCENARIOS:

  1. Who would win in the following random Wikipedia scenario?
  2. Who would you rather Weekend at Bernie’s?
  3. Who would you rather have living in your pubes?
  4. Whose furry road would you rather go Mad to Max on?


Episode 121: “Tournament of the Inferior IV: Your Mom and the Dumpster Clown”

October 17, 2016

THIS EPISODE’S CHARACTERS:

Donald Trump shot in the face. Bare Bones Barry Bonds Baring Barer Bonds. Diggity Dango Babinski Ping Pong Face. A Nine Foot Pile of Beans. Optimus Pride. The Light Packer Heat Packing Punk Pecking Pelican. Leon Wetlegs Purcell. Overhead Bin Laden. The Church of Ladder Jay Snakes. Chocolate Wifi. The Cokey Monster. Gollum with the One Ring to Rule the Mall. Klaxon the baby with the Civil War Era Pistol. Mango Unchained. Dumpster Clown. The Hounds From the Hood.

THIS EPISODE’S BATTLE SCENARIOS:

  1. Who would you rather have read you a bed time story and then bang your mom?
  2. Who would you rather have as the stuffing in your bean bag chair?
  3. Who would better impersonate a rocket ship?
  4. Who would you rather have replace the sun?


Episode 118: “Craigslist Edition! Free Foot Rub Jason”

September 26, 2016

THIS EPISODE’S CHARACTERS:

Missed connection: birdseed lady at No Frills. Ebony seeks ivory! Foot rub Jason. Missed connection: hot dog w/ cheese PNE brown guy. A pair of crystal pineapples. Unwanted animals. A 1940’s-era vintage rummoli game. 2 recorders. $4 Amish books. A $3,000 roller. A lifelike Siberian tiger replica. 185 winter cat huts. The super flowers of sisters. A melted Barbara Ann Scott doll. A $69,000 front-end loader. A $50,100 collection of ceremonial knives.

THIS EPISODE’S BATTLE SCENARIOS:

  1. Which would you buy in order to perform the following service?
  2. Which would you rather give your sister as a wedding present?
  3. Which would you rather ride share with to work every day?
  4. Which would you rather be buried with, Egyptian pharaoh style?


Episode 116: “Japanamental: Geisha Danny DeVito Gets Killed Pretty Quick”

September 12, 2016

THIS EPISODE’S CHARACTERS:
100 naked Japanese men. Kamikaze Fozzy. Human tie-foon. Lucky the monkey. Codzilla. The karate goat. Feliz-tsunami-da. Hiro Nakamura. Geisha Danny DeVito. G-shin. Goku. Anpanman. SLIM (Smart Lander for Investigating Moon). Kazan. Doraemon.

THIS EPISODE’S BATTLE SCENARIOS:

  1. Who would win the following outrageous Japanese game show?
  2. Who would you rather have perform hara-kiri on you?
  3. Whose butt would you rather have to wipe (which is really a thing in sumo)?
  4. Who could wreak more havoc in a Godzilla-style rampage?


Episode 113: “Road Trip Edition #2! Thelma and Luigi: The Original Suicide Squad”

August 22, 2016

THIS EPISODE’S CHARACTERS:
Satan on a unicycle. Princess Peach. A group of twenty-somethings trying to find themselves. Tony Stork. Thelma and Luigi. Cole Trickle. Rain Man. Hasty Mrs Daytime. The Wild Hogs. California Brad. Hitchhiker Daryl. Bean There Done That. Daniel Simmons. Christine. Jack Kerouwang. Thelma and Louise.

THIS EPISODE’S BATTLE SCENARIOS:

  1. Who would you rather have as your road trip buddy in the following setting?
  2. Who would you rather Wrong Turn with?
  3. Who would chicken out in a game of chicken?
  4. Which character could better endure continuously watching the movie Crossroads?


Episode 110: “Spy Episode: Stinker Frailer Older Pie”

August 1, 2016

THIS EPISODE’S CHARACTERS:

Lancelot with no Belt. Jason Just Born. Jack Bowser. Tinker Tailer Soldier Pie. Stinker Frailer Older Pie. Agent Cody Pranks. Felix Lighter the depraved sexual pervert. S. Pie. The Manchurian Cabbagepatch. All the Bond Girls with Improved Self Esteem and Tommy Guns. All of Them. Slum Dog Spy Face.

THIS EPISODE’S BATTLE SCENARIOS:

  1. Who could better do the following classic spy thing?
  2. Who would better pick up a lady at the Martini Bar.
  3. Who would win in a fight on a catwalk over a lava pit.
  4. Who would your rather torture incessantly?


Episode 109: “Foodamental 2 – Corn on the Cock”

July 25, 2016

THIS EPISODE’S CHARACTERS:

Dancing Squid Sushi. Macaulay Cupcakes. Chicken Pox Pie. The Rock’s Cheat Day Pancake Stack. Dumbledoritos. Corn on the Cock. A Wildberry Poptart. Cuba Pudding Junior. Tim Tea Bag. Big Greasy Bag of Taco Bell. Grandfather Grape. The Carrots of the Caribbean. Lobster Bisque. Optimus Prime Made of Breakfast Foods. The Danish Polish Sausage. A Tube of Cheese.

THIS EPISODE’S BATTLE SCENARIOS:

  1. Celebrity food names…?
  2. What would you rather taste like?
  3. What would you rather do body shots of off of a lovely lady?
  4. What would make a better soufflé?


Episode 104: Apocalypse Edition! A Pack o’ Lips in a Java-lanche and Other Unlikely Doomsday Scenarios”

June 13, 2016

THIS EPISODE’S CHARACTERS:
Epoxy lips. A pack o’ lips. Apoc-calypso band. Apocalypse Chow. Apocalypse Cow. The four headless horsemen of the apocalypse. The four men-horses of the apocalypse. The horse-Cam of the apocalypse. Tank Girl. A horde of zoombies. Hagnorak. All of the X-Men in a Jansport backpack. The number of the yeast. The Book of Morons. Kimmy Schmidt. Fred Amisegeddon.

THIS EPISODE’S BATTLE SCENARIOS:

  1. Who would you rather have help you out in the following doomsday scenario?
  2. Who would have more followers as a cult leader?
  3. Whose bunker would you rather see on an episode of TLC’s Doomsday Bunkers?
  4. Who would win the A-pog-alypse?


Episode 103: “Mad Libs Edition! Smashing Words Together until Humor”

June 6, 2016

THIS EPISODE’S CHARACTERS:
Lubed-up merman. Slippery hamster. Gropey Miss Daisy. Gun-slingy pastry-mobile. Contagious Jesus Christ. Ravey Jeffrey Dahmer. Omniscient Russ. Robotic 10 billion ping pong balls. Menopausal lady. Russian Pope-mobile. Recently divorced classic erection. Jason Bourne-trained TSA cavity searcher. Boner-inducing RC drone. Chinese Lara Croft. Saucy cyborg.

THIS EPISODE’S BATTLE SCENARIOS:

  1. Who would last longer fighting an endless supply of Al Queda sleeper agents who are pooping?
  2. Who would better impersonate a space ship?
  3. Who would hornswoggle the other character’s five crackers?
  4. Who would be more successful at birthing a whale?